Saturday, April 23, 2011


'Morning all.

Not much to report on. I'm down over 10 pounds since SW, which is amazing. Something very odd has been happening in the last few days. Every morning when I get on the scale, I psyche myself out and say "it's going to be higher. You were really bad last night and it's going to be higher so don't get upset when you see you've gained 2 pounds..."

But the last two days I'm down 4 pounds. Part of it HAS to be water - although I'm trying to drink as much as I can. But still - feels fucking amazing.

The worst part about about losing is you become terrified of gaining it back.

Restricting honestly hasn't been that difficult. I get into a habit of taking tiny portions and learning to be happy with that, to feel proud for how little I ate. The only problem has been my boyfriend, who gives my looks or makes comments about my diet. And I feel guilty because he doesn't want to eat in front of me, so he's going without even when I know he's hungry. I tell him not to, but I don't want it to turn into a fight. It honestly doesn't bother me to see him eat. Or to see anyone eat for that matter.

In fact, this will sound incredibly conceited and I'm owning that, but when I see other people eat, especially women, and I'm not eating, I get this small sense of superiority. Like, "I have the will power that you don't and it's going to pay off" sort of thing. I don't say that of course. Just think it. Bitchy either way, but oh well.

Anyway, I love the new gym. I've been doing weight training in addition to my cardio and believe that has made a huge difference. Also, consuming lots of lean protein as I don't want to lose muscle so much as fat. I want a nice, toned butt and tight thighs. But frankly I'm fine with losing muscle, fat, whatever, so long as I'm smaller. So it's lots of egg whites, water-pack canned tuna, chicken breasts, fat free cottage cheese and tofu.

Today - running errands, pedicure, laundry, and of course the gym.

I'm doing it,
So can you,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You should have your body fat % checked Ellen just to be safe.